April 15, 2006

Spare The Rod And Spoil Momma

Filed under: India n Me,marriage,Of men women and Eunuchs,Random,Relationships,This Gets To Me — Kaveeta Oberoi Kaul @ 9:36 am

Man canes mother to death..

, April 14, 2006 | City
Was tired of daily spats between his mother and wife, so he decided to ‘end’ the squabble
Rashmi Rajput
A 30-year-old salon owner, Suresh K. Prasad, decided to end the daily squabbles between his mother and his wife by allegedly caning the former to death. The husband and the wife have been missing for 10 days now.Prasad, originally a resident of Rajasthan, had been living with his mother, Sitadevi, in a rented apartment at Navghar Road in Bhayandar for almost a year. Things changed when Prasad married Rani, 27, two months ago. Those in the know say, though the wedding took place with Sitadevi’s consent, trouble started brewing right from the beginning.With a member added to the family and aspiring for a better life, Prasad bought a shop-cum-residence at Jesal Park in Bhayandar. On that fateful day of April 1, the family moved into their new house. At around 8 pm, Sitadevi and Rani started fighting again.“In a fit of rage, Prasad began hitting his mother — initially, with his fists and then with a stick. Hearing her cries, the neighbours ran out to Sitadevi’s help,” says Sanjay Sharma, one of Prasad’s employees, “She repeatedly complained of pain in the abdomen. She kept pleading for a doctor, but Prasad never called one.

Sitadevi died an hour later.

Sharma says, Prasad then got a fake death certificate from a private practitioner, and burnt the corpse on Sunday afternoon. On April 4, before the cops could nab him, he had boarded a train to Jaipur.

So the son was fed up of bickerings and did what was perhaps done to him as a kid.

Only this time it was he who caned his mother!!

Another instance related to a couple who locked their mother in the kennel on their way out to work.

Throw momma into jail‘ was a piece I had written on reports that couples were misusing a dowry law to implicate parents to part with their wealth and property.

Try as I may, I cannot seem to fathom what is behind this behaviour . What is it that is driving them to be so cruel towards their own parents?

Or is it not just parents?

They are antagonistic towards the world in general and find in helpless hapless parents a soft target?

Since wives too have learnt to fend for themselves, have armed themselves with knowledge of the rights that protect them, so purging of frustration had to find another convenient and available target. Also someone who was at a loss to retaliate, because cowards cannot stand up to affront or confrontation. It leads therefore to unsuspecting, old dependant parents once again..

Decay in society would one day take on such monstrous proportions was beyond ones imagination.

So Kalyuga as professed by many is not over.

Fathers raping daughters, incest, and now parents phsically and mentally tortured by their own children.

Sometimes I wonder, was this the Plan for us? Or have we interfered so much in His , that He has left us to our devices, to fend for ourselves?

All one can say is ‘subko sammati de bhagwan’

I love this quote
A woman has two smiles that an angel might envy, the smile that accepts a lover before words are uttered, and the smile that lights on the first born babe, and assures it of a mother‘s love.

then the same child is fed, nourished, pampered and loved. When grown, proves to her with a cane in his hand , that he is a man now!!


  1. Its sick..But somehow believe that financial problems and that class of society are more prone.

    Comment by Anonymous — April 15, 2006 @ 10:42 am | Reply

  2. Maybe not in this case, but do parents behave like parents these days?
    each one is on his one really has time for the other..So whom to blame?

    Comment by sanjay — April 15, 2006 @ 11:01 am | Reply

  3. Anonymous,

    You may have a point there. Imo though it may not come to this kind of physical abuse, on the contrary money becomes the trigger for violence of another kind..there are umpteen cases which come to mind where children have brought wrath on their parents for the same..court cases, even murder..

    Basically I believe, sanctity has been lost. No relationship today merits an approach which prompts that it should be beyond reproach.


    You have opened a can of worms here. Yes..True. parents too have changed. They too are responding to the dictates of a stressful life, dwindling resources and general apathy towards higher thinking.

    All said and done, what cannot be negated is the fact that we owe them our lives and our upbringing. Had they refused to look after us when we were brattish, keeping to your logic, we’d have starved. So Whydo we have the right to forsake them now when perhaps they are not at their best?

    Some relationships go beyond the scope of norms and expectations, or atleast ideally .

    Comment by Kaveetaa Kaul — April 15, 2006 @ 11:24 am | Reply

  4. there was a story my mother used to tell me when i was a kid and i was a brat and when she woukld get strict, give me a slap or two and then tell me this story…
    there was a young boy who used to steal stuff from his classmates, pencils, erasers and stuff and show the loot to his mother every day. and she would never stop him and sometimes enjoy the goodies too. when he grew up he became a dacoit and then a murderer. there is a court case against him and he is about to be hung when he tells the judge that i don’t deserve the punishment as much as my mother does…
    she never taught me any values and as a kid i didn’t know any better’

    the people who have such tolerance levels with their parents have been taught by the same parents to take them for granted.
    also what you say about too much angst against the world is totally true.
    look at the road rage in delhi…look at the ver teasing cases in UP and the entire cow belt…there is just too much violence in our minds

    Comment by silbil — April 15, 2006 @ 12:25 pm | Reply

  5. I dont agree that it has anything to do with the financial status. In the west these incidents are in large numbers as well. So how does that explain it here?

    It is a situation of decaying moral standards, the world over.

    Comment by doublebarrel — April 15, 2006 @ 12:26 pm | Reply

  6. There is also the factor of ‘sanskaars’ that we were given by our parents and what we will pass on to our children.

    Amongst the many people I know, there are probably only 2, who I can consider truly dysfunctional. They are both women, both in their early 30s, both have had broken marriages and relationships that have left them really scarred. They are both exceptionally intelligent and amongst the most sensitive people I know. But the contempt they have for one or both of their parents truly amazes me. According to one the only thing her father ever did for her was to contribute the sperm that created her. The other one talks about how her parents were the products of swinging seventies leading two separate lives. During the week, her father was a bank executive and mom a housewife. Come Saturday and apparently their home changed into an abode of hedon – booze, drugs and sex and wife-swapping and what not. She claims to have been a witness to many an orgy form the age of 10 onwards involving both her parents. Both of them have now broken all ties with their parents and live an incredibly lonely life.

    There’s another girl I know – a 27 year old fashion designer. Has a good job – earning over Rs 50,000 a month. Studied in an elite school in Delhi, graduated from NIFT, lives with her parents in one of the Tony neighborhoods in Delhi. The day she got her first job at the age of 22, her father presented her with Santro and yet she feels her father has been an under-achiever!!!!

    Comment by Chameleon's Karma — April 15, 2006 @ 1:03 pm | Reply

  7. Silbil, Ck,

    I guess both of you have said more or les the same thing that of ‘samskaras’ as ck put it.

    I am a strong believer in the duty of parents to impart the best of social, moral, educational, spiritual, training to their kids and those who do not deserve to be condemned. Materialistic parents , misguided priorities, and erroneous social models all have contributed to making our children a confused lot.

    But beyond a certain age, we all have to re-eveluate our lives for ourselves, I think. Can we never escape the impact of childhood tutoring? If so, then how is it that among 4 siblings there is not one who is like the other sometimes? Despite being brought up in the same environment dissimilarities abound. I have seen examples of this kind as well.

    I would like to believe that I have bettered my parents in the upbringing of my kids and that perhaps my kids will better me.

    But, really there are so many variables at work here. Cannot refute a single word of what both of you have said.. so truth is in fact many sided.

    Ck, both your friends require urgent healing.. the saddest and most unfortunate human is one who has not been able to forgive..and in this case can only spell disaster as the hurt manifests into anger, which is always mis directed, and therfore merely acts as a catalyst to compound problems.

    You seem like a sensitive soul too.. to have understood anothers pain objectively. I guess not being indifferent is a virtue.

    Comment by Kaveetaa Kaul — April 15, 2006 @ 1:36 pm | Reply

  8. Silbil,
    my mom told me the same story, and it really worked:) I was mortified at even looking at anothers’ eraser after that, always linking it with the gallows..LOL

    Comment by Kaveetaa Kaul — April 15, 2006 @ 1:40 pm | Reply

  9. Yes.. they need healing… serious healing and one does wish that one could help them… unfortunately, beyond a certain point, they too should want to be healed… It pains me to stand on the sideline and watch them self-destruct… and then be called in to help them pick the pieces up only to see them go for that self-destruct button again!!

    Comment by Chameleon's Karma — April 15, 2006 @ 2:42 pm | Reply

  10. ‘waqt ka taqaaza hai’..

    what can one say. Each has an in-built radar. Till that does not point towards a hunger for solution on a deeper level, you n me can do little.

    Comment by Kaveetaa Kaul — April 15, 2006 @ 7:51 pm | Reply

  11. I dont believe this..i actually have to come here twice now? to read the post and then to read the comments and the comments on the comments and my comment and the comment on my comment.But whos complaining?

    Now where was I? Look I come from a broken home and I know what hell on earth is.But I think that has toughened me up. I love my mother beyond words. and she would like to believe I have forgiven my father too. Yeah i have sort of.. I mean he doesnt mean much. Its not as if i am going around the world with a chip on my shoulder. But a lot of guys i know are and that is where the violence comes in.
    I dont know why i am telling you this.. but i guess it helps.

    Comment by doublebarrel — April 15, 2006 @ 8:32 pm | Reply

  12. Hi Kaveetaa


    Children killing their own parents who gave them life? What kind of human beings are these or are they really one?

    It is becoming like an animal kingdom. We are going backwards now-that’s for sure. What bothers me , what kind of future is in store for the generation next , considering the present looks like an animal kingdom. How will it be for them??

    PS: you may want to read my latest post.

    Comment by Anonymous — April 16, 2006 @ 5:16 am | Reply

  13. Hi Kaveetaa


    Children killing their own parents who gave them life? What kind of human beings are these or are they really one?

    It is becoming like an animal kingdom. We are going backwards now-that’s for sure. What bothers me , what kind of future is in store for the generation next , considering the present looks like an animal kingdom. How will it be for them??

    PS: you may want to read my latest post.

    Comment by Anushka — April 16, 2006 @ 5:16 am | Reply

  14. doublebarrel,

    First of all, I must commend you on your sane and mature aproachto this sordid part of your life. And to a large extent i think your Mom is responsible for it. Kudos to her as well.

    As you said not all can have a rational outlook at their disposal at such times. I have read somewhere that rapists are found to have had troubled childhoods.

    But somehow i feel that we are responsible for our actions. One has to find reasons to behave rather than excuses to misbehave.

    It is essential however that parents now take on their roles of teacher philosopher and guide more seriously.That does seem the root of the problem.


    Pathetic Isn’t it?

    I will be reading all on your site:)

    I guess incidents like these have to act as wake up calls. If we cannot act in a manner befitting a responsible and positive human then we have no right bringing other humans into the world.

    It is yet a small number, but what I see is a growing trend. That is bothersome. the lack of reverence for any relationship today..however sacred it merits being.

    Comment by Kaveetaa Kaul — April 16, 2006 @ 9:55 am | Reply

  15. OMG.. i have had pretty much loving (yet abusive and imperfect) parents.

    They are really difficult to relate with, and they have difficulty relating with me. but we love each other.

    Even in these really strained relationships i do not know how someone could become this crazy an animal to do something like this.

    I do not think even animals would do this.

    Man is the worst animal

    Comment by laks — April 16, 2006 @ 10:49 am | Reply

  16. Laks,

    you have hit the nail on the head..

    Instincts defy this kind of behaviour which is why even animals would not resort to it.

    It is so numbing that you begin to question the irreverence which has become a part of mental make up and which is worn as a badge most of the time.

    Sanctity has been lost. Somehow there is a peace in it,you know in accepting for the sake of it, parents, or teachers or certain takes waay the decision making dilemma each time.. you just know you want to accept unconditinally and you do. Makes you respect yourself more..

    Comment by Kaveetaa Kaul — April 16, 2006 @ 4:34 pm | Reply

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