June 18, 2006

Armed with Malice

Filed under: Random — Kaveeta Oberoi Kaul @ 11:48 am

My experience in blogging has been enlightening in a lot of ways.The blogosphere is only a microcosm and a reflection of the macrocosm. Its not so difficult to understand why there are wars and communal breakouts and prejudices and all the pettiness which dictates a stooping down of human character which defies any logical rationale .

I have had the good fortune to meet some really humane, progressive and enlightened souls here whose writings have touched the depths of my soul and brought forth a feeling of well being and an urge to better myself. This has happened often enough to make me want to keep writing.

On the other hand there have been encounters with the truly imbecilic kinds who opt to be armed with ‘malice for one and all”, which once again make you wonder as to why do some people blog?

A case in point: I had written a post “Kiss and learn” which was a think back on the Rakhi Mika incident. Mikas taking advantage Of Rakhi, had appalled and disgusted me. My son, a young lad of 17, in an effort to perhaps calm me and rationalise the issue pointed out that it could been avoided PERHAPS with caveats on Rakhis behaviour.Maybe a caution for others..he attempted to say.

The Mikas of the world are not going to vanish in the blink of an eye? So where was the harm in advising to be wary?? Only a stunted mind would interpret this argument as ‘inviting to molestation’ or seconding it.

So someone who calls Himself/herself ‘confused’ ( an apt alias) who writes on ‘retributions’ ‘Life is a streetcar named desire’ leaves a rather harsh, presumptuous, banal comment on the blog. I am ALL for divergent viewpoints, so published it , without a second thought. But when somebody wants to DISTORT facts, then there is no limit to the UNREASONABILITY such like will resort to.. which led to this remark by ‘confused’

“But you sons’s statement that he would not misbehave with his schoolmates only because they carry themselves well is intrinsically wrong. If they are not able to carry themselves upto his standards, will he misbehave with them then?”

If you read the blog you will realise the extent of distortion here. Somersault in cyberspace! Turn the argument on its head.. Further the word ‘only’ was added for effect to mute the argument.So, in other words,he/she conveniently resorted to Hypothesise, conjecture, create a faulty premise, and scream out the deduction, all in one go.. ALL because it suits his rant. Logic, reasonability be damned!!

Whats interesting or rather abominable is that while he goes around beating his chest stridently proclaiming himself as a guardian of womens rights and need to respect them, all he does when it boils down to his own actions is Utter Disrespect for me and others. All his claims disappeared into thin air huh? Of course ‘practise before you preach is as alien a concept to him as UFO’s were to Neanderthals. Hypocrisy!!

As a thumbrule I treat people on my blog with respect as I would expect them to treat me and other commenters. Almost every post has seen the emergence of an argument with a commentator or another. Likewise, this time too, I responded patiently, explaining how perhaps our point of view had not come across in a small write up, and proceeded to explain thus:

“lets face it, when an incident that is so unsavoury in its flavour and has chances of it becoming the ‘flavour of the season’then all concerned citizens try to analyse, dissect and postulate their stand in the hope that such and such like are not repeated”

and I continued “There is a difference between our perception of reality and reality as it is. It would be ideal if we women were allowed to just ‘BE’..wear whatever, do our bit and live life in as fast a lane as our male counterparts. Till such time as this does not happen, its PRUDENT that we keep ourselves at bay from predators.

This was the point my son was making and I agreed. Cannot pretend Mika is not there..but can be careful when in his vicinity.”

This is an excerpt, an example of the tone and effort to elucidate on the post. Later, a host of commenters left their comments., as usual. I then receive a comment from confused again which was aggressive, derogatory and bullish in its tone and which I decided not to include.

I have the right to moderate my blog and NOBODY is going to bully his/her way in to my blog. Somebody called Chandni commented too, which was a repetition of the previous post of confused, and which was clearly a ‘support’ post for confused. IT showed NO EVIDENCE of being a response.. which meant that all I had written in the morning had been IGNORED. All that would ensue was a fruitless back n forth. The attempt now was anti-ALL crusade. A “My opinion above all else” unshakable obstinacy.. It was not carrying the debate any further, on the contrary turning into a rant..endless rant heading to nowhereland !

Since I have a flourishing day job and other things to attend to as well.. I thought it best to ignore it and move on. Also the fact that there appeared to have been multiple postings as evident from ip addresses.

But for some its more important to stir up a storm,a rather than accept free will of bloggers to moderate unacceptable comments and act in complete contrariness to their preachings, asking for respect but not showing any! The term ‘control freak’ has been coined for such as these..

The matter was over as far as I was concerned. But the malicious, libelous, unfair post by her/him invited a response. My kindness and lackadaisical approach had been misconstrued as weakness I suppose.

So ‘confused’ gives it a dimension adopted by losers.

He has been banned from other sites as well for the same reason. What is glaringly obvious is an inability to tolerate rejection of his viewpoint. So while he can embark on a rampage trying to demolish people and their freedoms, others have to bow in servitude to his “confused’ bickerings. I also wonder really why he/she keeps referring to himself/herself as ‘”WE”..How many aliases are there ?

Its funny you know, when people use handle names themselves , go around the blogosphere hiding their true identity, then come on to a blog of a woman who speaks of her concern for the decay in society and exposes her son for the first time .. ALL UNDER HER OWN IDENTITY..while this alias chooses to make it a shouting match behind a MASK then makes a show of some GALLANTRY by ranting on his blog..This is not just HYPOCRISY.. but delusional sense of RIGHTEOUSNESS and lack of DECENCY..

All one needs to do is read the relevant post and my comments .

Soon this post will go lower and the matter will be forgotten. In fact I am purging it out of my system simultaneously while writing it.

I will continue to speak on matters which deserve attention, as I have on this matter, since I have a daughter who is in her twenties and can imagine that girls her age need guidance to face the predators. This post was an atttempt to do just that. Nobody can enforce views and people learn only when they are ready to.

Words are alive.. cut them and they bleed. Hope all who write on cyberspace would realise that and make an honest committment and effort to cultivate gentleness and kindness in speech. Debating, arguing, presenting your point can be done in a manner which desists from stepping on peoples toes. There are ample examples of a civilised discussion. If you dont adopt it then others will exercise their right to keep you away.

Viewing the larger picture from a broader perspective,if we cannot make somebodys day, why spoil it for them?

Anonymous left this comment “.a ‘confused’ mind equates vindictiveness with peace , defaming with contentment, and retribution with vindication.”

Since my efforts at resting the contentious debate have been met with consistent indecency, I have no recourse but to solicit legal advice.


  1. I have read many a blog, but never imagined the cheapness to an extent of the kind which is being expressed by chandni and confused can actually happen. I mean really…these guys are f***** up. There is simply no other way to describe them. If the guy confused is what he claims he is then I have a suggestion.. JERK OFF>>> it might do you good, you pent up frustrated masked wimp..Sorry Kaveetaa I have never used these words on your site, but this has never happened. And for such like, you have to talk in the language they understand. Limp noodles like the two hide behind aliases and target people. Shame.They are rotten to the core. Being a nuisance is also a purpose of existence I guess. Cockroaches exist.. these are the pests of cyberworld.

    Disgusting, and shameful

    Comment by sanjay — June 25, 2006 @ 6:01 am | Reply

  2. Oh you can say that again sanjay.

    And that sleaze Chandni has the gumption to say this is not a fair fight when that Bunty goes around making it worse…Imagine attacking without a face?? and she comes buck teeth and fat a***ed I presume considering their height of frustration..

    How can people take this beyond all proportion just because their comments were not included in a blog??? They must be really in love with themselves and their OPINIONS.
    Paper thin egos and such low self esteem that everything is considered an assault. Besides they suffer from the ‘Black” disease.. only difference while they cannot see and hear what they are writing, they are latched on to every word of ours. I said it last time too.. I am happy to be called any name .. who cares what opinion these guys have .but I will give it back as good as I get…they have included me in every post and to think that I am gonna back off coz some two chit freakos think they can go around puking their venom, they are so sadly mistaken. This Rakhi and Mika of cyberspace need a dressing dowm they will remember.And Kaveetaa it will be wise if you keep out of this.These level of people need a particular brand of treatment.

    Comment by puja — June 25, 2006 @ 6:28 am | Reply

  3. Friends,

    I would like it very much if we put an end to this matter.

    Let us not do what they have been doing. To each his own. I have said what I had to say.

    Let us move on.


    Comment by Kaveetaa Kaul — June 25, 2006 @ 7:50 am | Reply

  4. You are making a big mistake kaveetaa.


    they dont deserve it and cannot value it.

    If you think that your being goody goody is going to be understood by these assholes then you are MISTAKEN.

    confused were you molested during your growing up years?? still suffering from paranoia about those times?seems pretty obvious.. you attack only women you know..wimp.. all were women in that turdy post of yours..dont have the balls to go after MEN????

    deal with me confused..that is after you have taken your face off the cunt of that woman..

    you think you are going to abuse on your site and have the last word just coz kaveetaa made the mistake of calling it off?? so you take off on a tangent again!!

    its clear for everyone to see that you go from I to WE after you are accused of ids…WHY????

    Sick, demented and retarded nerds are not committed to asylums these days .. they are defecating all over the blog.

    Comment by puja — June 25, 2006 @ 10:58 am | Reply

  5. Puja,

    I was hesitant about publishing your post to avoid a continuum, but after I read the last comment by Confused I admit I was wrong in calling it off.


    I am addressing you directly now. My decision to not allow you on the blog stands vindicated. You have proved beyond an iota of doubt that you are an insufferable creature worthy of contempt.

    Despite my request to my commenters to desist from making any more nasty remarks, you have once again stirred up bitterness. From what is obvious you thrive on it and are indeed frustrated. I can see no other cause for so much ire from the very beginning.

    So I will not disallow any comment henceforth by any of my commenters which retaliate in the same measure that you have sickeningly adopted.

    AND.. I have ALL the ip addresses. I have not initiated or said anything derogatory. YOU HAVE. I will also consult my lawyers as to the legal action that can be initiated against the CONFIRMED ip addresses.

    Comment by Kaveetaa Kaul — June 25, 2006 @ 11:16 am | Reply

  6. kaveeta,
    I have friends who can handle this legally for you. Will get back on this.


    Comment by sanjay — June 25, 2006 @ 1:11 pm | Reply

  7. Thanks S,

    I happen to have business partners and friends too at Camden where he lives.So shall contact them for legal advice.

    Comment by Kaveetaa Kaul — June 25, 2006 @ 1:27 pm | Reply

  8. Following is the comment by Confused which precipitated an already worsening situation, despite my best attempts to keep it low.

    but some people just dont want to learn!

    23. Confused Says:
    June 25th, 2006 at 12:38 am


    Respect! You gotta kidding me! That woman does not even understand that a point of view opposite to her can exist and you talk about respect.

    But wait, you expect that from someone who is a downright liar. Our rant was prompted by a specific allegation by Mrs. Kaul

    am saddened and disappointed, as also taken aback at the resorting to multiple ids by a new female commenter here. Not only does she have one active id and a blog, but TWO of each.

    Her comments on the mail disclosed the fact. Gmail.

    In her desperation to give the impression of majority voices ascribing to her viewpoints she resorted to the above

    Ah! Before ranting here we left a comment on Mrs. Kaul’s blog that we are not using multiple identities but obviously that comment never appeared, so we ranted here and demanded the proof since she had made a very serious allegation.

    So what does this woman do? First play Dumb which comes natural to her, it seems, second play victim, third obfuscate issues. So multiple identities has become support comments:whatever that means!

    So, how do you expect this liar to allow your comments on her blog? She is a hypocrite beyond belief. Let me put this in bold:

    This woman is a liar. Period!

    Second, let us examine this cretin called Pooja.(Yes, we know you are reading, please take notes and report it to Mrs. Kaul or you know you will get spanked)

    So what are the points this embroy-woman has made:

    1. Confused is the same as Chandni, or the other way around..

    2. Confused and Chandni are both ladies!

    3. Confused and Chandni are Rakhi and Mika!


    Excuse me Pooja, needless to say you are a dumbwit but of this level? I mean, the rock outside my door is more intelligent. Get your head off Sanjay’s ass, take in some fresh air. Feel better? Now try to understand what you are trying to say, if that is a task beyond you then ask Mrs. Kaul do it for you.

    So, it is quite clear that this women is beyond help. She thinks I made her a heroine of my rant for giving her a mention of three words in my 800 words rant. Quite clearly, a cretin desperate for some attention.

    Well Pooja, we have given you enough attention. Now you can spend the rest of your life on that.

    No, need to thank us. We thank you for all the entertainment value. Please continue to provide the entertainment on Mrs. Kaul’s blog, but we need to move on.

    Good luck!


    Priceless! Playboy eh. 🙂 Send a copy to this Pooja, boy does she need some attention!

    Comment by Kaveetaa Kaul — June 25, 2006 @ 1:47 pm | Reply

  9. move on people. she’s faltoo. got no other job i guess.

    Comment by Dim Poetry — June 25, 2006 @ 2:38 pm | Reply

  10. Fight with equals………………..

    Mediocres deserves no attention………

    dont belittle yourself…………..

    dogs bark…………………..

    pay no heed…………………….

    Comment by Anonymous — June 26, 2006 @ 4:28 pm | Reply

  11. “Hope all who write on cyberspace would… make an honest committment and effort to cultivate gentleness and kindness in speech…. There are ample examples of a civilised discussion. If you dont adopt it then others will exercise their right to keep you away…”

    Kaveeta, I loved the eloquent way you put this across on your blog, which is why later on I was surprised to see some really vile language (from a commentator)in your comments section.And unfortunately you let them through.

    I really hope it was not because you thought this person was trying to support you. Because she hurt your stance more than helping out.

    I hope you will filter out ALL vile and derogatory remarks regardless of which camp they come from.

    Other than that, I must say I agree with your viewpoint on the original post.

    Comment by Meenu — June 27, 2006 @ 4:23 am | Reply

  12. hi i guess my comments about the same commentor might have sounded flippant and weary but u know kaveeta which post we are refering to…i am not telling what to do…but maybe a little editing could have helped…
    it was deragatory language and as it is with all abuses they humiliate women more than men…

    Comment by silbil — June 27, 2006 @ 11:41 am | Reply

  13. Meenu & silbil,

    you referring to me right? now i dont want to defend myself becoz its pointless …those who see the point dint need to be explained to and those who dont want to, will not matter what.
    but not one to take things lying down, i think this is something i want to clear out once and for all.
    following is the comment made by confused which got to me

    “Excuse me Pooja, needless to say you are a dumbwit but of this level? I mean, the rock outside my door is more intelligent. Get your head off Sanjay’s ass, take in some fresh air. Feel better?”

    You guys Im sure did not find anything wrong with that..I DID..”GET YOUR HEAD OFF SANJAYS ASS???!!!”

    how was this any lesser than what mika did to rakhi?? and he/she goes around trying to be a crusader.if he was a womans libber advocate then how did he take on this tirade against all the women who banned him? either respect all women or dont act as if you do!

    I was PROVOKED .. and then I have the right to give it back as good as i get.It was he who began the ruckus. Every post made by Chandni/ confused made me a target.

    I have been here since almost the beginning and never have such people commented here. I dont write under other can check with K..different people react differently to things. If this confused could go on a Rant in the cheap manner that he did without a provocation, then I HAD THE REASON AND PROVOCATION. Maybe i flew off the handle, but it was getting too much.


    I dont indulge in fence sitting and neither do i care for those who do. i have read all your comments. you normally dont know who you agree with or not.. read them. you start with this and then go on to disagree wholly with confused but dont want to say it. I dont play politics. I was very angry at the way he dealt with this non-issue and tried to humiliate kaveetaa , so i spoke. i would have done the same for you had somebody done this to you. i feel strongly for a ‘wrong doing’ and always on the side of right. If you or others like to sit back and see the ‘circus’, then all the best to you. but I want to respect myself so would rather be a voice for or against.

    Comment by puja — June 27, 2006 @ 1:01 pm | Reply

  14. puja unfortunately doesn’t have a blog otherwise i wouldn’t leave this comment here…
    i have frequented confused’s blogs and read a few posts and also left comments there…
    but i did not really emotionally connect (what ever emotions can happen in this virtual blogspehere) to his blog as much as i do to kaveeta’s blog ever since i chanced upon this blog in februry this year so i do bother about the quality of the posts here and comments…
    i am confused because as a person i don’t believe in black and white opinions as i do belive that i am talking of human reactions to things and not chemicals…
    i did not come up to kaveeta’s defence becasue i did not think she needed any…
    it is her blog
    she knows what to do…
    i personally thought legal action was a bit taking it too far but that is only my opinion…and as she says if you can’t make someone’s day why spoil it for them…
    and for the very amusing comment that i play politics (i guess coz i told kaveeta and confused both that this fight is silly and lets move on) …i have nothing to say puja that i am an adult and i treat kaveeta and her opinions as something/one i admire and respect and i don’t see her as my heroine(she i am sure doesn’t mind that) i don’t have to prove how loyal i am to her…
    and though kaveeta has moderated two of my comments meant for you…
    i do believe still that saying things have you been molested wghen you were growing up …is that why you are such an assholes…reek of insensitivity…
    i don’t give a damn about sanjay’s comments because i don’t really care about his opinions on other topics (especially gender sensitivity) but i ‘used’ to read yours carefully….
    you know there are a few things that i don’t like about kaveeta’s blogs also….but while some mildly annoy me (so why say them is what i believe in…i am not her conscience…just a reader of her opinions) and some provoke me to comment here…i guess that you would call politics and living a farce…
    and if you read all my comments ONLY because you wanted to write this comment…
    puja i mighht be tempted to repeat something that some other blogger said somehere…get a life…grow up…

    Comment by silbil — June 27, 2006 @ 2:59 pm | Reply

  15. Meenu,

    I agree with you. But after reading pujas response I think she has a point. Either be a crusader for womens respect to the hilt or dont sham it.

    Beating his chest for respecting women Above All and Irrespective , Confused then goes all out to do just the opposite with kaveeta and the other women!

    So what has his mother taught him?!!
    Actions speak louder than words and his have exposed him!!

    kaveeta is a beautiful person on the outside and inside. Her words have helped me through many a tough times.I dont care how this sounds, because it is the truth and I will say it.

    As for the topic, i have noticed that those who live abroad have a different take on it in comparison to those living here, since in India the problem is so on the face tht we dont talk of rights but solutions. That is why over 70% have voted that rakhi should have been careful. I agree totally.

    And now I think we should all get a life..

    Comment by Neha — June 27, 2006 @ 3:08 pm | Reply

  16. i kind of expect that the previous comment of mine will be moderated…
    and i do not think kaveeta will be doing anything wrong by not putting it here…
    it felt nice to be out of my system anyway…rest is up to kaveeta!!!
    since some loyal and honest people here see confusions and weighing both sides as playing politics…
    and indifference because i don’t care for a particular fight too much as fence sitting..
    i don’t think my opions must annoy their pure consentitious hearts…
    so guess this is my last comment
    will read your blogs and refrain from commenting…
    good luck and all

    Comment by silbil — June 27, 2006 @ 3:13 pm | Reply

  17. Whoa!! What do we have here:)

    Girlz!! I love u all!! Chill!

    silbil…all d best

    Puja..babe, I sure am deciding to have a blog of me own and you are cordially invited…Am also planning a visit home..Would love to meet up..shall ask K for details of you. Please can never know..I might be just the answer for all those prayers..chuckle..chuckle..Lighten up guyz..

    “And I will always love you..ou ou ou “

    Comment by doublebarrel — June 27, 2006 @ 4:12 pm | Reply

  18. silly billys..lil girls…
    UMMMM..sensitivity is universal ….not one over the other… love…if you be all agog to give then why complain to take? all the best dear..but you will be followed by you wherever you go..cant escape the ego…its THERE….looming large…you can either love yourself or the world…..mutually exclusive you see….

    Confused?? whats new???……sermons and preachings ….just a tongue full of words….walking on the path of that slippery slope…slides downwards into hell……blabber…blabber……prove worth….act…..the gemini…evades…twins… on each side….both confused…a lie is a lie..IS…a …lie…

    Comment by Anonymous — June 28, 2006 @ 12:25 am | Reply

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