March 30, 2007

Inspite Of It All..

Filed under: Chicken Soup For The Soul,opinions,personal,Relationships — Kaveeta Oberoi Kaul @ 2:18 pm
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Kaveetaa Kaul

Oftentimes, lifes vagaries present before one a spate of experiences which as if challenge the roots of our existential paradigm. In other words we, perchance seem to encounter seemingly impossible circumstances and individuals, who yank the carpet from underneath our feet, before one can mutter bally-ho, compelling us to re fashion our mental make-up.

Advice forthcoming is usually philosophical, even from most unexpected quarters, spoken with a benign saintly air, to anyone within hearing (reading) distance, ‘forgive, move on..think of your own karma and relax’..Needless to add that often these sermons die an exceedingly swift death when the shoe is on the other foot..then it gets to be a tale of retribution, revenge, egotistical utterings, often punctuated with ungainly profanities and soon the cat is out of the bag..Ah-Ah, easy to recommend but exceedingly difficult to practise. Preach only what is obviously/apparently personally vouched for…most followed mantra..confessedly.

Philosophising should ideally be preceded by egolessness, a long drawn evolutionary process, which none can boast of..atleast not among ones everyday acquaintances, in the virtual world or the real, for that matter. Its prudent to be a teacher to yourself, in complete awareness of your own shortcomings before one can attempt to sounds hollow and fake..a little like papier mache..beautifully carved but sans endurability.

There has been occasion recently to witness a rather sorry tale of betrayal, which reminded one of the fact that sometimes its better to be cynical, rather than a trusting fool. Whilst typing this however, despite the sordid experience, the desire to be yourself and be of your ‘own grain’, no matter the irascibility of another, comes to the fore almost simultaneously..

Some, like me and hubby are never willing to learn..Give us a ‘kahaani’ with feeling and soon, short of sobbing uncontrollably, will be hugging, consoling, willing to be of help, almost immediately. ..even total strangers…also those one meets on the net! Excuse: The story of Paramhansa Ramakrishna.

Paramhansa, along with a disciple, was sitting on the river serenity and peace, when a scorpion emerged from the waters and stung him on the foot. The saint softly lifted the scorpion and put him back in the water. After a while, the scorpion emerged again and repeated the act. Swam ji repeated his rescue act. When this had happened for the third and fourth time, the disciple asked of him, summoning his courage, as to why was he rescuing him, only to be stung again. Paramhansa in his inimitable style replied ” Let him follow his nature.. I will follow mine”

I love the story and happily soothe my frayed nerves with the comfort of its lesson everytime life has thrown up a ‘scorpion’..But no boasting here. Its tough ..the need to confront/ expose, or at least embark on a verbal duel is often overpowering, especially when its been a rather crassy example of unprovoked shoddy behaviour, spoken or written, or a blatant example of ‘use and discard’..rather shamelessly .It kinda makes you feel like a naive, green behind the ears, ..a fool…( Names could have been provided but that according to me is the Ultimate in crassiness and cheapness.. freedom of speech is not Freedom to exposes a rather low level of self esteem and self respect, apart from a skewed sense of ethics) A questioning of a common enough occurence and a resolution of incumbent behaviour, is the purpose of the post.

So it important to be clever, or instead.. wise to be simple?

Would it have been beneficial had the event been nipped in the bud and the ‘scorpion’ been kept a mile away? Or is it that one is supposed to accept the experience as another learning lesson, anoint yourself with soothing balm, contentedly ready for the next .. never willing to render your trust in people, faith in the in inherent goodness, null and void? Are you therefore expected to be ‘You’..despite the other being ..’Whoever’?

Present mood..sullen to begin with. Post the post.. Better ..

Hmm.. So was this the purpose, in the first place? Learning and sharing..A question surrrendered to the be answered in its own way, by whoever it connects with.. an energy resounding, resonating with another like minded..a spark, followed by a rekindling a never ending process.


  1. read a paper recently on the politics of forgiveness (a prof from TISS).. the dna of social life is so complicated, i guess… the sayingz n stories of yore can never be associated wit ’em…

    i second u on the approach- the identity of ‘i’ within the self n how it battles the winds of change πŸ™‚
    din know u were so emotional… but then lil knowledge is a dangerous thing naa..

    ills of the social diaspora shud be addressed n the mantra of benevolence mite not be a great hit in this age of jets n nukes!!

    given a chance wud love this emotional utopia.. the beginning of an end or the end of THE BEGINNING… big bang!!

    Comment by saptarshi — March 30, 2007 @ 4:17 pm | Reply

  2. To your question whether its wise to be simple I can say that I am not simple. I can guess peoples motives and it takes a lot to dupe me. The world is not a place anymore for Simpletons πŸ™‚ Food for thought and thanks for that!

    Comment by Krishnan — March 31, 2007 @ 8:59 am | Reply

  3. Oh i have a long sorry tale 2…but don want to bore u with it. its confusing.. to do what the swami did or just to be less foolish n trusting.
    I think emotional vulnerability is the most dangerous kind.. you can get scr34567 big time..better 2 b a cynic than 2 b a wreck..

    Comment by Neha — March 31, 2007 @ 10:03 am | Reply

  4. Hey Sapt..

    din kow I was emotional :(..all the posts to do with that facet gone for a toss..not fair..sulk sulk..n what about the hazaar songs quoted here n now also on the vodpod..din they scream of ’emotional fool?’ sob!

    Hi krishnan,

    Are you a Taurus by any chance? You sound(!)so.. and if I may show off just a wee bit.. most times on meeting somebody face to face. the first time, I can predict it or atleast the element he/she belongs to as in earth, fire, air, water..Its fun…also food for thought.. Can we therefore be reduced to purely twelve ‘types’..seems so. And yet each is unique in his/her sensibilities.

    Hey Neha… spoken like a true pragmatic..’ better to be a cynic than a wreck’ .. you should have been a poet babes.. ever tried your hand at it?

    And you know what.. I dont know whether I agree with you or not.. in the sense that can we really avoid heartbreak.. or rather is it necessary that we consider it one?

    Comment by kaveetaakaul — March 31, 2007 @ 12:36 pm | Reply

  5. I have a simple rule. I give it back as good or bad as I get it.believe me it works.. The other person does not take me for granted.

    What is the point in crying afterwards? this world is full of as%^&*(..are we going to wait for them to prove it to us? Neha was right. But I loved the swami story.its sooo cute πŸ™‚

    Comment by puja — March 31, 2007 @ 3:45 pm | Reply

  6. As they say “If you lick their boots they will kick you and if you kick their boots they will lick you” – To some extent i believe in this.Though remaining calm and composed is “ALWAYS” good for one’s physical ,emotional and mental health.But i also feel words have strong power and that’s the reason why we get angry when someone calls us a “dog” etc,(though we don’t become one ) and we retaliate.May be “EGO” is the root cause of all the suffering in life.I don’t know …,I’m little confused.

    Comment by Aneesh — March 31, 2007 @ 6:18 pm | Reply

  7. Hey Puj,

    Know you well so know what you mean..BUT… lets leave it at just that πŸ™‚

    Hi Aneesh,

    So right ..its like falling between two stools..deciding which of the ‘icks’to go for.

    Remaining calm would be totally advisable. Only it should have its roots deep within. If the exterior is visibly beatific but the insides are as if burning in anguish.. it would only lead to diabetes :)You know diabetes is the tip of the iceberg. Symptomatically it suggests that ‘sweet’ cannot be tolerated by the body any more.. cannot be assimilated.. broken into energy and all that jargon. What that actualy means is that the bitterness within has taken over to an extent that sweetness is an alien..Just a thought. I think it has as its roots, disgruntlements, frustrations, fear..

    Ideally therefore after a long pondering I would think… that its not a crime or unnatural to feel hurt, betrayed or disillusioned..Dont kick yourself over it. No need to pretend that one is infallible or yogi like. Humans hurt.. so what!
    One should observe ones emotion without judgement, casually,”look’ at the angst, say to oneself at the deepest level ‘This too shall pass’..breathe in deeply and exhale out the ashes of the hurt..

    And then go to the nearest Mall-tiplex..feast on a yummy ‘Black Forest’, see a film like say ‘Namesake’..and merrily row your boat..thereafter..Let the other look after his deeds.. you do yours and walk away peacefully, smiling at no one in particular, but smiling nonetheless..

    How does that sound? Workable?

    Comment by kaveetaakaul — April 1, 2007 @ 11:30 am | Reply

  8. Hi Kaveeta,

    Thank you very much

    Comment by Aneesh — April 2, 2007 @ 7:58 am | Reply

  9. new post.. new post… something that wud generate the furor!!

    n u an emotional fool?? unless the lexicon has been edited recently… or u have some ‘da sachiniti code’ language.. sorry, aint going thru my logic gates πŸ™‚
    sumtimes i think emotions have just made a mess of all the shades of life…
    why wud u be an emotional fool? why a fool? aint that questions ur emotions? mite be there have been times n tides of the greys.. still worth of the abstract can never be questioned.. who is the judge in the emotional democracy? how wud u really assume that u were fooled n most importantly… is there any ’emotional check’ against this folly? unless, the catalyst of evil worldly wisdom dope the brain cells….?
    songs.. lyrics.. videos n emotionz aint make a fool but a full circle- of rhyme n reason, coz i believe we are never answerable to anyone except the self!

    Comment by saptarshi — April 2, 2007 @ 1:29 pm | Reply

  10. ‘da sachiniti code language’..hee haw ..that was sooo original and ummm innovative..

    ok baba granted.. no fool just plain ’emotional’..propitiate is the better part of valour? ..Although going by the times, the flavour of the season is ‘practicality’..emotionally motivated rulings of the heart sometimes take you up a dark street. But know what? I know but will not alter my dna πŸ™‚

    Bring on The Boss..R.D.!

    kuchch na kaho.. kuchch bhi na kaho

    Comment by kaveetaakaul — April 2, 2007 @ 2:48 pm | Reply

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